Vulnerability heals us.
When my almost-two-year-old daughter gets hurt, she belts out a loud cry and then runs to me to make whatever is hurting feel better. No matter how wounded she is, she is never afraid to come to me. In between her loud wails, she typically will show me where she is hurting, and then she expectantly trusts that I will make her feel better. All I have to do is acknowledge her pain, give her wound a kiss, and she is restored.
My daughter allows herself to be completely vulnerable and vulnerability is a profound gift.
It breaks my heart to know that my daughter will most likely lose this gift as she gets older. As she continues to experience the fallen nature of this world and begins to identify she is wounded in a way that is not so easy to repair, she will most likely stop running to me and stop trusting that I can make her feel better.
The same is true for us as adults when it comes to God the Father.
When we become so entrenched in our wounds and we recognize how difficult it is to repair them, our hearts grow more calloused, we begin to lose trust, we stop running to God, and we try to fix our wounds ourselves (all while never really feeling any better).
This was also true for Adam and Eve.
The story of Salvation begins with a man and woman who experienced great shame and hid their vulnerability from God. They recognized their woundedness and instead of turning toward God, they turned away.
Imagine if Adam and Eve as soon as they recognized the sin they just committed and the hurt that it would cause ran to God with reckless abandonment. Imagine they openly sought forgiveness and trusted in God’s love and mercy. I’d imagine this would have completely changed the course of our history because what gets transmitted into the next generation isn’t shame and further wounding but vulnerability and trust.
Unfortunately, Adam and Eve did not know how to be vulnerable and really trust but God did. He knew just how much vulnerability saves and heals us. That’s why when He came down to meet us in our woundedness, He didn’t come with fire and brimstone, but He came as a baby. Infancy is the most vulnerable time in our human development and God chose to begin saving the world by first becoming an infant. Then, when it came time to our Lord’s crucifixion, He died with the same vulnerability- completely helpless, completely at the mercy of others, completely open, and completely naked.
Adam and Eve covered themselves because of shame and Jesus completely exposed his full self in order to dispel that shame. This means that if we want to heal and rid ourselves of the toxic shame that binds us, we have to be willing to expose ourselves too and become vulnerable.
When I think about my clients and those who show the most emotional and spiritual growth, they all mirror Christ’s vulnerability. They come to each session completely raw, honest, and open. They admit their imperfections and their need for support. They tell me when they are exhausted. They let me know when they feel too weak. They share with me when they’re afraid. They take off all of their protective “armor” and let go of their false self and become “naked.” As they continue to be persistent in their vulnerability, it opens them up to be heard, to be seen, to be known, and to be transformed. Their hearts begin to change through the safety of revealing the deepest parts of themselves and being met with compassion. They then learn how to open up and be vulnerable with those around them. It is this vulnerability extended outward that repairs friendships, restores marriages, and strengthens families.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that vulnerability takes every wound away. Nor does it mean that if we continue to be vulnerable, we will never experience pain, suffering, or hardship again. There will always be a scar to remind us of the wounds we have experienced and we will be invited to examine these scars again, each time we are triggered.
But the good news is vulnerability does offer us hope. It renews our trust. It keeps us open. It helps us to run to our Father over and over again, just like my daughter does, and expectantly trust that we will be healed.
Reflection Questions:
What would it look like for you to become more vulnerable? How might vulnerability heal you?
What are your concerns or fears around vulnerability?
How might shame keep you from healing?
Think about a time when you were truly vulnerable and/or when someone was truly vulnerable with you. What was this experience like? How did it make you feel?