A Catholic view on Self-Help
I love that, as a culture, we are finally delving deeper into our stories, learning from our past, understanding our emotions, looking more inward at our wounds, and exploring why we do what we do and feel what we feel. As we do this important work, we are becoming more conscious and learning to truly love our neighbor as ourselves, and love God with our whole being.
With this lens in mind, we can most likely all agree that self-help isn’t bad.
If there is something wounded, hurting, dysfunctional, disconnected, angry, prideful, sinful, or insecure, it is virtuous to draw nearer and extend God’s healing to the parts of us that need God’s love and mercy the most.
This work that we do helps us and, therefore, can be labeled “self-help.”
And scripture is very clear about God wanting to help us, too. We read that over and over again. God desires our restoration and healing, so much so that He became man and entered into our pain and suffering, and equipped us through the power of the Holy Spirit to become co-healers.
But when we take God out of our self-help and healing, or God just becomes a means to help and heal ourselves, something we use to make ourselves feel better about ourselves, we must re-evaluate our self-help.
When self-help becomes self-obsession, self-absorption, or self-righteousness we know that we are no longer helping ourselves but harming ourselves greatly.
We see this when:
We obsess over our own healing and recovery. Instead of our eyes looking towards Heaven, our eyes are always looking inward at our own hearts. What I feel, what I need, what I want becomes the soundtrack of our lives.
We use the Sacraments, prayer, and spiritual reading to make us feel good while disregarding proper worship and extending our praise and gratitude to God.
We are quick to find solutions for odd things we may do, a wound that still seems to be open, or a response that appears emotionally charged, and we find ourselves unsatisfied and absorbed in our thoughts and emotions until we find the answers.
We seek different spiritual guides, coaches, therapists, programs, and treatments and find ourselves getting lost in their word instead of God's word.
We start to believe we are superior to others. If we are "doing the work," then shame on those who are not. We may stop bringing the Gospel to those who are psychologically inept, or we may deemed responsible for our pain and trauma, which closes us even more from others.
We are so focused on our safety and boundaries that we stop listening to God’s call. Let’s be clear on this one. God doesn’t want to put us in harm, nor to be stuck in dysfunctional relationships and dangerous environments, but sometimes He wants to equip us to enter or stay in something that could be viewed as scary or unsafe for His glory and our sanctification. For example, calling St. Teresa of Calcutta to leave everything behind and go to Calcutta (not too safe).
In Evangelii Gaudium, Pope Francis shares how when this happens, self-help can become what he calls. “spiritual worldliness.”
He writes,
"Spiritual worldliness, which hides behind the appearance of piety and even love for the Church, consists in seeking not the Lord’s glory but human glory and personal well-being... It is a subtle way of seeking one’s “own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” (Phil 2:21).
As we see with all of the examples above, it may look pious and righteous on the outside and perhaps even provide us with relief, a sense of security, or peace, but inside, we are removed from seeking God’s glory. As a result, self-help becomes the means to seek our own glory.
Seeking our own glory does not heal us. It does not restore us. It does not sanctify us. It may make us feel good or seemingly better, but that better is temporary and surface-level.
Godly self-help must connect us back to Christ and reveal God’s glory. It must go into the depths of our being and remove the self-reliance and self-defense we have clung to so we can be freely who we have been created to be.
It should help us see the truth within ourselves so that we can look outward and extend compassion and mercy.
It should help us worship God with our whole being because we recognize God’s healing presence in our lives, and we desire to give Him the thanks He deserves.
It should help us to see the truth of our identity as God’s beloved and rest in that truth, no matter what remains unhealed or unresolved within us.
It should help us to be in communion with others and in communion with God.
It should help us recognize our limitations with humility and rely on God every day.
It should help us to better discern God’s voice and support us in following God’s will.
It should help us move with and through our emotions with freedom and understanding to respond with the Holy Spirit.
So, as you look inward and dive into the world of self-help, be cautious. Look out for the signals of self-absorption and self-glorification. Let your self-help be rooted in God’s lavish love for you and the lavish love we are called to offer ourselves and others. Make sure that you are staying connected and that there is balance and order to your personal healing. Also, be aware of anything that claims to take away your human condition. Our human condition, albeit frustrating, is a great grace. God’s power is made perfect in our weaknesses, so if our life’s quest is to rid ourselves of all weakness, all trauma, all pain, and all woundedness, then we will find that we are never satisfied. There will always be something to examine, read about, explore, and distract us from living our life mission. But if our goal is to accept our human condition and draw nearer to what we see within ourselves with God’s help, all while living out our vocations and serving and loving God above all, then our human condition is not met with dissatisfaction but with great fulfillment and joy.
So yes, read the books, do the retreats, seek support, do the healing and regulation practices, and explore your inner world, but don’t get lost in it or get lost in YOU.
And here’s my prayer for us! (I say us because I am on the healing journey with you, and I, too, have fallen into the trap of going deeper into my own self, all while disconnecting from God and others. So, please receive this prayer with my utmost compassion and a desire to unite with you!
Lord of all healing,
I thank You for the desire You placed in me to heal. I thank You for helping me to look inward and to see what is wounded and in need of Your love and mercy. Thank You for bringing me resources, people, and strategies to better care for myself and experience Your peace. I trust that all of these things that have brought me healing are gifts from You and, therefore, must go back to You. As I journey forward in my healing, please help me not become self-absorbed or self-righteous. Please help me to keep my eyes on You and let Your voice be louder than any other voice in my life. May I come into being, not to glorify myself but to glorify you. Keep me humble and receptive to Your will, even when it does not align with what I am comfortable with. May my precious life be a life that reveals my belovedness, champions the belovedness in others, and most importantly, expresses how wonderful and beloved You are!
Amen.