Listen with Compassion
As a therapist, I witness intense suffering. Suffering, that stems from all different kinds of issues; rape, divorce, loss, childhood adversity, etc. It can be very painful to hear and at times, discouraging.
But in 2020, I have felt like I am not alone in this.
The world has become one big counseling session. News outlets, social media accounts, and interactions with others have been hijacked by deep emotional pain, and people are forced to listen.
It may come to no surprise that we as human beings really struggle with listening. The kind of listening that leads to compassion.
In response to all of the suffering we have seen this year, I often see people:
Chastise others for sharing how they feel
Disempower others
Downplay or negate one's experience
Offer disingenuous and quick solutions
Placate vulnerability
Talk over or argue to get one’s own point across
I can’t speak for everyone but I would imagine people struggle with truly listening because they are not truly seeing. It is a lot easier to take what we are presented with at face value. Instead of trying to understand the reasons behind the behavior or get to know a person’s perspective, assumptions, judgments, and subjective experience take center stage.
This is where compassion comes in.
Compassion in Latin means to "to suffer with." Suffering with is all about accompaniment and shared vulnerability. It is about striving to better understand others and putting yourself in the shoes of another. It is about seeing people’s dignity and worth and responding to one’s dignity and worth with love. Therefore, compassionate listening is the only way we can truly see suffering and it offers us the opportunity to do something productive with it; to “suffer with.”
Therefore, if we want to alleviate the suffering in our world and survive this perpetual counseling session we’re in, we must:
Be slow to respond
Offer empathy over sympathy
Ask more questions
Be curious in the face of difference
Encourage vulnerable and authentic emotional expression
Provide support using one’s internal and external resources
Be aware of our prejudices, blindspots, and judgments
Allow our hearts to break
And why? How does this help our world?
Well the more we listen with compassion, the more our lives are transformed, along with those around us. The former obstructions that blind us and keep us disconnected are removed so that we can see we belong to one another and as a result, we can heal one another. When this happens we connect with others in a way that is powerful and intimate. And belonging and connection are a powerful antidote to suffering. As a therapist, I know this to be true each time I journey with another client and immerse myself in their pain.
Listening compassionately truly makes all the difference.
When we stop listening with compassion, we miss out on all the good suffering can bring and the good work we can do in the lives of others. We also unintentionally cause more suffering to exist in our world and that’s the last thing our world needs right now.
So the next time you are faced with another story of suffering and struggle (because there will be plenty more) I hope you “suffer with” because although you might not be able to eradicate suffering from others, you can transform it. You can make it more bearable. You can make a person feel seen and heard. You can become united with another. You can listen with compassion.