tis the season to lean into the contradictory.
As a therapist, it never seems to fail. Every year during the holidays, people are frantically hoping to book a session (myself included). There is a quiet frenzy that seems to nudge and pull at our hearts that calls for compassionate presence and wise counsel.
That’s because holidays not only bring tremendous gratitude, joy, and celebration, but they also bring tremendous grief, conflict, anxiety, and heartache.
We are eager to celebrate with loved ones, and we remember those unable to celebrate with us. We courageously set boundaries and communicate our needs, and our boundaries are tested. We have opportunities for connection and family bonding, and certain topics and responses trigger our wounds. We have moments of stillness, and we feel pulled in a million different directions. We find ourselves excited and filled with anticipation and busy and a little dysregulated.
It is a constant juxtaposition of our present human longings and needs, and our present limitations and imperfections, and the longings, needs, limitations, and imperfections of others.
So what do we do when we desire connection but are stifled by family dysfunction? We want to slow down, but there is a never-ending to-do list we want to complete. We desire joy and peace this holiday season but grieve a loved one or feel the stress of planning and/or boundary setting.
As I reflect on these questions, I am reminded of what this holiday season is all about.
This holiday season is about embracing the contradictory. It’s about allowing ourselves to sit with the discomfort and the joy, the grief, and the gratitude, the worry, and the steadfast assurance, the connection and the difficult conversations that can lead to disconnection. The wounds of family and the blessings of family. Our blessedness and our brokenness.
We see this contradiction culminate on Christmas. During Christmas, Heaven and Earth collide. God’s perfect Self enters into our imperfection. A young Jewish virgin gives birth. A lowly Jewish man becomes a father to the Messiah. A king is born in a stable.
Two opposing things come together that do not seem to make sense, and yet it is in this contradiction where love abounds. Faith is tested, and faith flourishes. Sin and division meet reconciliation and repair. In death, we are given new life.
When we can allow two opposing things to co-exist and accept that we may never experience perfect peace, boundary-setting, connection, joy, or family (on this side of Heaven), we can more readily enter the present, where God meets us. We can experience God in it all.
Yes, even God in the grief, in the boundaries or lack thereof, in the difficult conversations, the business, family dysfunction, and the resurfacing of wounds. So I encourage you to lean into whatever comes up this holiday season.
Do not be afraid of another messy, imperfect, and seemingly contradictory holiday. Trust that God will meet you there. All you have to do is be present and be open to it all.
Questions for further reflection
What are some things you are excited about this holiday season? What are the blessings that this holiday season brings?
What are some things you are worried about, grieving, frustrated with, and/or overwhelmed by? Out of all the things written down, what are the things you can embrace and be tender to? What do you need to act on (perhaps setting boundaries/limits, having difficult conversations, prioritizing rest, not overbooking, etc.)?
How is God working in your contradiction? Draw a Venn Diagram. On the left side, write all of the positive things you are experiencing, and on the right side, all of the negative or challenging things you are experiencing; then, in the middle circle, write down the opportunities and ways God may be working in your life to help you heal and grow.