Mental Health and Deep Fulfillment
fulfilled: satisfied or happy because of fully developing one’s abilities or character.
I remember thinking that in order to be happy or satisfied I had to possess everything I hoped for.
If I found the man of my dreams, then I would be happy.
If I had a better job, then I would be more satisfied.
If I can rid myself of all my trauma, then I can live more fulfilled.
In other words, life would go something like this. I would notice the emptiness inside of me and immediately search for someone or something to fill it.
The problem was after all my attempts to fill the empty void, I was always left feeling unfulfilled. These people and things were never enough. I was always searching for more. For years, I was troubled by this. I didn’t understand why I was struggling in this way when I knew I had so much to be grateful for, I was achieving much success in my life, had many materialistic goods, and was experiencing deep and satisfying relationships.
Looking back, I believe I experienced this perpetual void not because I wasn’t praying enough, wasn’t grateful enough, or didn’t have enough rather my mindset on what I believed fulfillment is, was distorted.
It wasn’t until I started really working on myself, that I learned that it’s not about attaining the “more” that fulfills us or filling some empty void, rather it is the daily persistence to better ourselves that provide us with deep fulfillment.
This is true in all aspects of our lives. Whether it be in the physical, spiritual, or mental realm when we work each day to better ourselves, we’re not worried about attaining “more” rather we are focused on becoming more: more loving, more patient, more forgiving, more humble, more gentle, more honest, more conscious, more healthy, in other words, more fulfilled.
But it’s not a bad thing that we have this natural tendency to become very disgruntled and distressed when we recognize there is something missing in our lives. It’s that ache for more that sets us up on a journey for greater self-discovery and self-improvement. But we first have to recognize it and then come to grips with the fact that no person, place, or thing is going to make us fulfilled. They can make us happy *sometimes* but not fulfilled.
Fulfillment comes from our daily habits, choices, and actions.
So when it comes to our mental health, we have to keep up with the daily habits that help us to become better people. We have to make conscious choices that affirm our worth and the dignity of others. We have to act in a way that takes responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In other words, we have to be willing to never stop doing the work.
So that the focus isn’t on:
“finding the one” but being the one.
Attaining a better job but being a better employee
Ridding oneself of trauma but transforming trauma in a way that empowers
Because in this world, life can be deeply unfulfilling. People fail us all the time. There is always something to grieve and/or grumble about. Systems can be unjust and oppressive. We can gain the whole world in an instant and then lose it all the very next day.
But when we have the mindset of persistent growth, we become the change we want to see in the world, in our relationships, and even in our own hearts, and it only leads to more and more fulfillment.
And what’s more fulfilling than that?