want to become a more fulfilled adult? embrace your inner child.
Becoming an adult is one of the scariest and most confusing experiences in our lives. We are given no lengthy manual and no formal training. We simply are thrown into the adult world and forced to navigate all the challenges and responsibilities that come with the territory.
As we are presented with never-ending bills, a mountain of responsibilities, difficult relationship challenges, tough decisions, huge transitions, bodily changes, new careers, and a rollercoaster of feelings, it is easy to get lost in it all and find ourselves far removed from our inner child. When we are not connected with this part of ourselves, we not only will know it cognitively but we will experience it physically, spiritually, and socio-emotionally.
The loss of our inner child is often accompanied by grief, fragmentation, confusion, shame, and anxiety. It can lead to persistent stomach aches, headaches, tightness, and other somatic symptoms. It can fracture relationships, sabotage friendships, and even shy us away from new opportunities. It can even impact how we connect with our faith and experience God.
The irony is that in order to bring more order, integration, peace, freedom, and joy in our life we don’t need to learn how to be a better adults; we have to learn how to embrace this child within.
It may sound strange but our inner child holds the best, most honest, and authentic, part of ourselves. Without this part of ourselves we truly cannot live fulfilled and whole. Think back to your own childhood. You can probably recall a version of yourself that courageously slid down the tallest slides, shared subpar artwork unapologetically, felt unashamed to showcase your emotions, and lived with wonder, creativity, openness, joy, and freedom. This version of yourself still exists in you. When you get older you might think that this part of you stays in childhood but the reality is this part is still alive waiting to be seen, heard, known, and loved. When we embrace this part, we are given the opportunity to reclaim who we truly are as children of God. We are given the opportunity to truly live.
But embracing your inner child also means embracing what your child-self experienced and all the ways those experiences have shaped you which is also a part of you. Therefore, when we embrace our inner child, we embrace the goodness, purity, and beauty of our child self AND we embrace the wounds, insecurities, feelings, core beliefs, false roles, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and behaviors our child self adopted.
As we learn how to do this important work, we learn to not turn against ourselves but turn towards ourselves with greater love, curiosity, and compassion. We also learn how to navigate adult challenges with the mindset that we have child parts that may be impacting how we perceive and interact with those challenges.
So how can we begin doing this important work today and start experiencing our best adult life?
Well, consider these three tips to embrace your inner child today.
1.Get to know your child-self again:
Look back at old pictures and home videos, or re-watch your favorite movies or that song you played a million times. Ask your mom and dad questions about how you were as a child. Re-read old journals or writing assignments. This information will help you remember this authentic part of you that holds many of your natural strengths, interests, and passions and help you bring out this part of you more often.
2. Get curious about what’s coming up
When faced with a cycle that feels eerily familiar, you find yourself feeling intense emotions, unsure of what career to choose, or struggling in relationships, ask yourself, were these feelings present in childhood? Do any of these experiences mirror what I experienced as a child? Is it possible that these feelings I am experiencing are my inner child’s feelings? Are my behaviors truly a reflection of my adult self? The answer to these questions will help you recognize the wounds your inner child holds and her deeper needs that may still be unmet.
3. Respond to your inner child with love:
Think about who your child-self is, including their joys and sorrows, and the way they learned to cope with those sorrows. When you begin to see that present in your adult life, you know you are encountering your inner child. Therefore, it is important not to shame, ridicule, hide, or punish this part of you that comes up. Instead, try to respond to this part with love. Be open to it and extend compassion to it. You can even begin dialoguing with this part of you so you can develop a healthy relationship with this part, and even reparent this part of you.
What we find when doing this is that all those adult challenges, transitions, and fears are actually manageable. We have an internal world that exists within us that helps us experience adulthood, courageously.